The Bad OC Love Interest's Handbook

  1. Never try to work out why your character and your character's intended love interest ("ILI") would be a compatible couple. Xe is hawt and your character is hawt (or at the very least, reasonably attractive). Hawtness is all you need.
  2. You can never be over the age of twenty-five - even if your ILI is pushing fifty.
  3. It doesn't matter that your ILI barely knows you're alive let alone what kind of person you are; the fact that you ~LOVE~ xir ~SO MUCH~ is grounds for letting you completely invade xir life.
  4. Remember, nothing says "true love" like following your ILI around everywhere they go, particularly if they've made it clear they want to be left alone. It's not stalking, because it's TRUE LOVE!
  5. It's perfectly all right if your behavior matches at least half the criteria for an abusive partner - because you ~LOVE~ your ILI ~SO MUCH~ that it just can't be abuse!
  6. If you're worried that your ILI will try to get away from you, make yourself xir "handler" or in some other way legally required to be near xir. It doesn't matter if your character is mentally and/or physically unequipped to actually handle this character.
  7. Remember, being a lover in a past life or a heretofore unseen childhood friend is a perfectly acceptable substitute for letting the ILI properly get to know your character on-page.
  8. If all else fails, threaten violence on your ILI. That's always charming! In fact, you don't have to just threaten - go ahead and go all-out bunny boiler!
  9. Outside of drawing, reading, and listening to music, you cannot have any interests that do not relate to your ILI. Friends and other social contacts outside of your ILI are not allowed. It's not an incredibly unhealthy situation to be in; it's ~ROMANTIC!~
  10. Show your ILI that you're interested by dressing in xir favorite colors and imitating xir mannerisms.
  11. Make sure your ILI knows you're interested by "accidentally" blurting out how you'd date xir or how you find xir attractive.
  12. If your ILI is a scheming villain who operates on long-term plans, brag about how many people you've killed or could kill. Because there's nothing more attractive to this sort than a partner who will leave a pointlessly high body count that will attract unnecessary attention to the both of them.
  13. It is perfectly reasonable to expect your ILI to drop all of xir friends, hobbies, ambitions, and long-term goals as soon as they meet you. Whine, complain, and pout when they try to do anything that doesn't revolve around you.
  14. Ignore all roleplaying prompts that you cannot work out how to lead to sexytimes.
  15. If your ILI doesn't give you the undivided attention you think you deserve, threaten to kill yourself. Because holding suicide over someone's head totally isn't a form of abuse, no.

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The Despie & Illiterate Roleplayer's Handbook
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