How To Be a Completely Revolting Fan

How to lose friends and drive away people with your fandom!

  1. Tacklehug complete strangers and people much smaller than you who look like or are dressed up as your favorite characters, or wear clothing relating to your fandom. Extra points if a concussion results!
  2. Stalk people who look like or are dressed up as your favorite characters, or wear clothing related to your fandom.
  3. Grope anyone who looks like or is dressed up as your favorite characters, or wear clothing related to your fandom.
  4. Yell in public about how superior your fandom is to its perceived rival.
  5. Whenever you see people purchasing material related to your fandom's perceived rival, harass them and insult them and their fandom.
  6. Slap or hit people who don't like your fandom. Better yet, beat them to a pulp.
  7. Berate and insult people for not liking your fandom.
  8. Try to get people to act out your fantasies/ships.
  9. Call your friends by the names of the characters you think they most resemble, especially if they obviously find it annoying.
  10. Call your enemies by the names of the characters you think they most resemble.
  11. Insist that people call you by the name of the character you think you most resemble, especially if they obviously don't want to.
  12. Make references to your fandom when talking to people you know won't get them. Act smug when they look at you in confusion.
  13. Go to the theater and watch the latest installment in a rival fandom. Yell over the movie about how much it sucks and how much better your fandom is.
  14. Assume that because someone is dressed up as a promiscuous character, that person is also promiscuous.
  15. Berate and chew out people who disagree with your ships.
  16. Incessantly complain about the canon relationships you don't like. Insult the character that you feel is "wrong."
  17. Talk about it constantly to people who clearly do not want to hear about it.
  18. Always drag every conversation back to it.
  19. Squee loudly in public whenever you see something related to it, even if it's only tangentially related.
  20. Squee whenever you talk about it. The closer you are to someone's ear, the better.
  21. Shout words related to your fandom in public. Do it as close to the people you consider your friends as possible.
  22. Never shower, bathe, study, or clean the house when you could be doing something related to it.
  23. Talk to the characters when you're watching/playing it with other people.
  24. Ask your friends to change their appearances so they look more like your favorite characters.
  25. Tell your significant other that your favorite character is hotter than xe is.
  26. Dump your significant other because xe doesn't look enough like your favorite character.
  27. Chew out people for making parodies or fun of it.
  28. Whenever someone points out the not-so-minor flaws of a character you are attracted to (eg, being a bigot, control freak, or genocidal maniac), get angry and make excuses for the character's behavior.
  29. Insist that all of the characters you are attracted to are "yours."
  30. Insist that people address you as "Mrs. (InsertSurnameOfCharacterHere)."
  31. Spend grocery and/or utility money on merchandise.
  32. Steal other peoples' money or hawk their things to buy merchandise.
  33. Steal other peoples' merchandise.
  34. Throw a fit when your friends don't want to watch/play it for the 4324th time.
  35. Convince yourself that the characters are real.
  36. Convince yourself that you are one of the characters and/or are related to one of the characters.
  37. Brag about how obsessed you are, especially to people who couldn't care less.
  38. Get angry and sullen when someone gets some detail about your fandom wrong.
  39. Get angry at anyone who doesn't like your smut fics.
  40. Ship all of your favorite characters with yourself or an obvious self-insertion.
  41. Insult or berate people who don't find your favorite characters attractive.
  42. Claim to be obsessed with Japan and Japanese culture. Never learn anything about Japan that isn't somehow related to anime, video games, or J-Pop.
  43. If you're not from the country it's set in or came from, pretend you are. Extra points if it's from Japan and you don't look remotely Asian.
  44. Refuse to engage in anything that isn't somehow related to your fandom.
  45. Insult everything that isn't somehow related to your fandom.
  46. Accuse anyone who doesn't obsess over it or know as much about it as much as you do or hasn't been a fan as long or longer than you have of being a fake fan or a poser.
  47. Relate everything to your fandom. Everything.
  48. Berate or snark at cosplayers for being the wrong body type or racial group for the character.
  49. Play music from your fandom loudly and at all times when other people are around. If anyone complains, turn it up louder.
  50. Steal other peoples' artwork.
  51. Whine incessantly whenever adaptations change even the smallest and most inconsequential detail.
  52. Romanticize or claim support for an organization in your fandom that, if it existed in real life, would be considered a hate group. Better yet, get a tattoo of its symbol.
  53. Ask people to criticize your fanwork, then when they do accuse them of being mean and rude.
  54. Use cosplays as excuses to harass, grope, insult, or hurt other people. (EG, "Xe was dressed up as my cosplay's mortal enemy/lover! Xe was practically ASKING FOR IT!")
  55. Refuse to prepare or eat any food that doesn't relate to your fandom. For added points, throw out any food that doesn't relate.
  56. Refuse to wear anything that isn't somehow related to your fandom.
  57. Recite quotes from it all the time, especially after other people have asked you to stop.
  58. Act as if criticizing the work is absolutely the worst possible thing anyone could do. Treat critics as if they'd just insulted the creator's diabetic quadriplegic mother who is dying of cancer.
  59. Accuse anyone who doesn't like it of jealousy. Better yet, openly call their sexual orientation into question.
  60. If anyone calls you out on any of the above, declare yourself persecuted. Don't forget to liken yourself to the Jews in 1940s Germany or African Americans in the 1960s.

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